You are Enough – Always Have, Always Will Be

Tags: self-worth, vulnerability, healing, relationships, personal growth, spirituality, belonging

Listen with your eyes – the full episode transcript

Kine:
Welcome back to Alveskog, Voices of the Soul.
Today we invite you to take a moment to breathe, to slow down and come a little bit closer to yourself.
This episode is about self-worth.
It’s a small word, but it carries something big — something many of us have spent a lifetime searching for without even knowing what we were missing.

Paal:
So make yourself comfortable. Let this be a pause. A space for reflection.
Not to fix anything, but to listen. To yourself, and maybe to something deeper within.

Kine:
We have some reflection questions here that I think are kind of useful.
The first one is: what does self-worth mean to you?
And not as an idea, but as a feeling.

Paal:
Not as an idea — that’s where I have the words, but I’ll give it a shot.
I think it’s the feeling of contentment, the feeling of being okay being by yourself, with yourself.
The feeling of doing something good for yourself.
The feeling of being okay with saying no.

Kine:
Yeah, good ones. I think the same.
When do you feel most connected to your own worth?
For me, it is when I can be with myself in silence — when I don’t have the outward stress that constantly chases you.
I think that must be the time for me.

Paal:
Stress is an outside thing, but we bring it inside and stress internally about things that are external, maybe, if that makes sense.

Kine:
Yeah.
I think that’s the part where I feel most connected to my own worth — when I’m in silence, when I’m actually using time for myself and spending time with myself, understanding what my self-worth is.
I think that in this world with so much chaos, we seem to forget.

Paal:
Absolutely.

Kine:
Can you remember a moment when you learned to link your value to what you do?

Paal:
Yeah, I mean, isn’t that kind of the default before you wake up, so to speak?
We link ourselves to status, to education, to work, to hobbies — the things you do and how well you do them.
I don’t know if I can exactly remember a time, but I did it. All the time.
And when I realized that that is not self-worth, that was kind of a wake-up call.

Kine:
Yeah.
What messages did you receive about your worth when you were a child?

Kine:
I think my mother did a very good job when it comes to worth as a child.
She always made sure that we were taken care of in that way, always telling us that we were worth just as much as everyone else.
She taught us about self-worth — to take care of ourselves and things like that.
On the other hand, I had a father who showed us, not through words but through a way of being, that he lacked self-worth.
So I’ve had it both ways.
Someone without words saying that he didn’t have self-worth — showing me that self-worth was something you don’t practice.
And then I had the mother who said that self-worth was important: to be kind, to be kind to yourself, to be loving towards yourself, and to take time for yourself.

Kine:
So, yeah. What about you?

Paal:
Well, I did learn to be good, to be kind and all those things.

Kine:
But did you learn to be kind to yourself?

Paal:
No, I don’t think so.

Kine:
Yeah, because then we’re talking about the whole thing of the external — take care of everyone else, make sure everyone else feels okay.

Paal:
Yeah, and I think that was mostly what I was shown too.

Kine:
You talked a little bit about your dad when it came to Jehovah’s Witness.
And what I’ve understood from what you’ve said is that he was not — if I’m seeing it right — one of those who actually had self-love.

Paal:
No, not at all.

Kine:
So kind of like mine.
How do you speak to yourself when things go wrong?

Paal:
It can be a bit hard when it happens, but then I come to my senses and I’m kinder than I used to be.
One of my sayings is that you never do anything wrong — you just get a chance to start over with experience.
And I try to live by that.

Kine:
Yeah. I have it a little bit differently, because I’m more of a critic when it comes to when things go wrong or something happens.
I use a lot of time searching and figuring things out.
I can use a long time reflecting within — figuring out what I did wrong, how I did it wrong — all those questions where you doubt yourself.

Paal:
Yeah. Well, I kind of do the same thing, just instead of using the view of where it went wrong as a bad thing, I use it to figure out how to do it right.

Kine:
Yeah. So you’re actually doing it a little bit better than I am, because I think I’m probably my worst critic.

Paal:
Yeah. Well, we basically all are our worst critics, I think.

Kine:
Yeah. And I think that a lot of us too go into that whole, “Did something go wrong because of me?”
Which we can look at and say is a lack of self-worth.

Paal:
Yeah, absolutely. Because there’s a saying that those who succeed are those who have failed the most. And that’s saying something.

Kine:
Yeah. I think it’s important though, during those times, to actually use some time on self-worth.
When you’re done with the critic part, actually find some good things within yourself that can help you get through things.
I think it all starts with self-worth — how we do in life and how we feel about life.
And the lack of it makes the whole path harder.

Paal:
Yeah. There was a cool story — I think it was Edison, when he was trying to invent the light bulb.
He had a friend over at his shop. He tried and failed many times — I don’t recall the numbers — but this test exploded.
Edison went to his notebook, wrote the number of the test and what went wrong.
His friend said, “Have you failed 2,000 times?”
And Edison said, “No, I’ve figured out how not to make a light bulb 2,000 times. And I invented some other stuff along with it.”
He hadn’t failed. And he did do it in the end.

Kine:
Good one.

Kine:
Where are we?
If your inner voice were a friend, how would it sound?

Paal:
Oh, that’s a good one.
Because we always say: would you speak like you speak to yourself, to your best friend?
And if you did, would you still be friends?
That’s a good way of measuring how you speak to yourself.
So, if my inner voice were a friend, it would be kind, uplifting, supportive — like a friend would be.

Kine:
I think that’s the part a lot of people struggle with — the fact that their inner voice isn’t a friend to them.
In most cases we have a critic that always puts us down or tells us we’re not enough, we’re not good enough, that we can’t do this.
And when it comes to self-worth, that goes hand in hand.

Paal:
Yeah. Your inner voice can be your enemy, or it can be your friend.
So measure it — would you speak like that to your best friend?
Be your best friend.

Kine:
When do you feel you lose touch with your own worth?
I’ve had situations where I’ve lost touch with it, and one of them was actually through work — when you don’t succeed, when the pressure is high and something goes wrong.
It can be when you have problems within your family, when they talk to you in a way that’s not good.
It can be friendships as well — relationships or friends that are not good for you.
That’s where I’ve lost my own self-worth, where I can feel it kind of being degraded.

So, what happens inside you when you say no, or when you try to set boundaries?
The reason we want to touch on boundaries is because boundaries are actually a form of self-worth.

Paal:
Yeah, absolutely.
It’s an important part — basically, you say no to being walked all over, and that’s an important part of self-worth.
For my part, there’s definitely a bit of fear that comes with that — the fear of what other people think.
I have to say it’s a lot better now than it used to be, but I can still feel it, of course.

Kine:
I think for a lot of us, when we start saying no the first few times, it always feels uncomfortable.
It’s almost like your system is telling you, “You can’t do this.”
Your inner voice starts asking: What will people think? What will they say? What will they do? Will they leave me?
Most of the time, we see some of our self-worth in who we have and what we have — it’s more external than internal.
And as soon as you start saying, “I have to start saying no for myself,” it’s a battle — a struggle.

Paal:
It is hard, and there’s no doubt you’re going to lose some people.

Kine:
Yeah.
We’ve touched on this before — we always say: what’s meant for you will be for you, and what’s not meant for you will disappear.
You find your tribe, but that can take time, of course.

Paal:
For my part, I’m kind of in that limbo between those things.
I’ve said no, I’ve let a lot of people go, and I’m in the process of finding my tribe.
So it’s kind of a limbo where there are very few people in my life — but I have no doubt it’s turning out well.
It will.
The thing is, I don’t need anyone’s approval to be myself anymore.
I don’t care what people think about me.

Kine:
I was just about to ask — what has saying no and expressing your truth done for your self-worth?

Paal:
Basically, my self-worth is no longer dependent on anyone else or what somebody else thinks about me.
I still get those stings sometimes — like, “What do they think now?” — but mostly, I don’t care.

Kine:
An important step.

Paal:
Yeah.
It can sound a bit…

Kine:
Egotistic?

Paal:
Yeah.

Kine:
But I don’t think it is. When it comes to your own self-worth, there’s nothing egotistic about it.
It might sound like it, but it’s the best thing you can do for yourself — to start focusing on you.
That’s the path forward.

Have you ever tied your worth to someone else’s opinion of you?

Paal:
Yeah, that basically was my default until I started changing a few years ago. So, yeah — most of my life.

Kine:
Yeah, I have too.
For most of my life, I actually saw my own worth through others’ opinions.
I think that’s the recipe for losing yourself, and a lot of people do that too.

Paal:
It’s like I said — it’s the default. That’s what you learn to do.
If you ask someone who they are, they’ll either give you their job title, or if they have something else they value more, they’ll give you that title.
That’s who they are in their own eyes — which ties in with self-worth.

Kine:
So what does it feel like when you truly believe “I am enough”?
Because that’s a big question.

Paal:
Yeah. Do you want to start?

Kine:
I think with the whole “I am enough,” it feels freeing. That’s the first word that comes to me — freeing.
Knowing that you are enough, no matter what you do or say — that you matter.
It’s the best thing you can say to yourself: I am enough.

Paal:
Yeah, because we are born with all the worth in the world, and nothing changes that.
There’s nothing you can do or say, no people you know or work you do — nothing changes that.
Or even what you don’t do. Your worth is your worth.

Kine:
I see a lot of videos going around of people walking and handing out notes to others.
They say things like, “You are enough,” or “You matter,” or “I hope you heal from the things you don’t talk about.”
And I love those, because you see the real person wake up when they read the note — you see people have an emotional reaction.
That speaks loudly about where people are right now — we’re lacking that self-worth, that “I am enough” statement.

Paal:
No doubt about that.

Paal:
What helps you come back to that place inside yourself — that quiet knowing that you’re valuable just as you are?

Kine:
For me, it’s doing things that I love doing — a walk in nature, meditation, listening to music.
It’s a place of calmness and serenity.
Coming back to that place inside yourself is basically practicing self-love.
And self-love comes in many ways. You don’t have to do what everyone else does.
You don’t have to meditate or be all Zen — it’s enough that you’re doing things that calm you and help you reach into yourself.

Paal:
Absolutely.
There’s no universal thing that works for everyone — just find your own thing. Do what you love.

Kine:
Do whatever suits you — what brings you that calmness and space.

Paal:
Someone once said, “Follow your passion.”

Kine:
That’s a good one.

Paal:
Yeah.

Kine:
So how can we learn to choose what nourishes us instead of what impresses others?

Paal:
Follow your passion.
A lot of parents love to tell their children what they should be or what education they should take — and some even say they’ll only support them if they do that.
That kind of kills passion and kills self-worth.

Kine:
Yeah, because if someone tells you that you have to be this or you’re not worthy — not worthy of love if you don’t choose what they’ve chosen — of course it takes you away from who you really are.

Paal:
Yeah, in one of the worst ways.

Kine:
So how can we learn to choose what nourishes us?
I think start by choosing you first.
It’s not egotistical — it’s actually self-love.

Paal:
Do what’s best for you. Do what you want. Follow your passion.
You’re allowed to say no, you’re allowed to say, “I don’t accept this.”
Everything is possible, even if someone says, “You can’t do that, you won’t become something, you won’t earn enough money.”
Everything is possible — and if you do it with a plan and give it your all, then it’s impossible not to make it.
If you don’t make it, you’re not giving it your all.
Do it with passion, give it your all, and you’ll get there.

Kine:
If you could speak to your younger self — the one who doubted their worth — what would you say?

Paal:
Wow.
I would say: you matter, no matter what.
You don’t need anyone’s approval to earn your self-worth — you already have it.
And, for God’s sake, do some smarter things than what you did.

Kine:
I think a lot of people have that when they think, “What would I tell my younger self?”
We’d say, “Don’t do that,” because a lot of the choices you make are made either because someone told you to, or as a reaction to something.
A lot of my choices were like that too — so there could absolutely be some improvement.
And it ties back to self-worth in a weird way.

I would say to my younger self: I am enough.
And I’m still saying that to myself today.
I’m still making choices, still walking on this planet doing my thing — but I have to remind myself all the time that I’m enough.

Paal:
We have to — and I don’t think that’s ever going to stop either.

Kine:
We always need to be kind to ourselves and remind ourselves that we are enough.
We’ll have situations in life where we feel less, so keeping that reminder is a good thing.
Of course, I can look back and say, “Pick other things, make different choices,”
but at the same time, when I look back I say, “You are enough. Do whatever suits you.”
I don’t regret the things I’ve been through — they’ve made me who I am today.
Everything you go through has meaning; it just takes you down a different path.

Paal:
Yeah. And we’ve spoken a lot about that — the road we’ve walked is what led us here today, sitting here, doing this podcast.
If we’d made different choices, we probably wouldn’t be doing this and all the other things we’re doing.
So I’m grateful for every step of the way that led me here.

Kine:
What truth about your worth do you want to carry with you from this day on?

Paal:
The truth that I am enough and that I don’t need anyone’s approval.

Kine:
Good one.
To those who are listening — wherever you are — just remember that your worth has never left you.
It doesn’t depend on what you do or how much you give.
It’s always been there, quietly waiting for you to come home to it.

Paal:
You are enough. Always have and always will be.

Kine:
We want to thank you for spending this moment with us.
We hope it gave you a breath of calmness and maybe a reminder of your own light.

Paal:
We’ll see you again soon in the next episode.
And until then, take care of your heart — and keep listening to the quiet voice within.

Kine:
And as always — we are better together.

Paal:
We are.

Kine:
We’ll see you next time.

Paal:
Bye.

Kine:
Bye.